I have seen it and experienced it. Not years ago...barely months ago. A change, a shift... unexplainable and undeniable. A change within...
Six months ago, I was a little on the stressed out side. Workload huge, deadlines pressing down and a huge amount of pressure that I had placed on myself. Coping....barely. Enjoying work life...no. Tolerating it would have been a more accurate description. It is not that I hated my job, it was a peak work time and the overwhelm was setting in for a long stay. It was hard to see the end of the tunnel.
When I hit maximum overwhelm, it is not pretty. The emotional rollercoaster starts and I struggle to keep everything together. The bad news is that this workload is a given twice a year and I was dreading the next round.
Here I am, six months later with a repeat of the workload before, and more, yet there is a stillness within me. I am not stressed. I am so unbelievably calm. What flustered and frustrated me to a point where I could withdraw from the world, barely rates on the emotional scale.
A couple of months ago, I stepped forward at church for prayer. I was seeking an increase from God. However, he made it clear that to receive the increase, something had to give. I immediately thought in the physical sense. What was I doing now that I had to let go of? I am very involved at my local church, serving in various roles and I had wondered what that statement meant to me. A couple of weeks later, I realised that the immediate give, was emotional, not physical.
Over the coming weeks, I felt an internal shift. I could not explain it, but something was happening deep inside. This internal change had a sense of refining. God spoke and told me he was removing what was not required. It is only now that I can see the outcome of this shift.
The time of that pending dread has arrived. Maximum workload, covering the jobs of two people and very tight deadlines. Pressure from senior executives to get the work done. High expectations on myself to achieve those deadlines, regardless of how unrealistic I feel they may be. However, my capacity to remain calm under pressure has increased. Just today, I realised that the same situation only a few months ago would have had me wound up with frustration. Today, it is just a ripple and this overall calmness, to remain focused and on track, resides. God has removed the overwhelm and filled it with place of calm.
God is a God of increase. When we open our hearts to him and allow him to work, he will change our lives. He changes us.
My thoughts now centre of what is to come. If God felt the need to remove the overwhelm trigger and increase my coping capacity, what lies ahead? I know that God strengthens and equips his children for the work that he has for me. I also know that the season I am in, is one of strengthening. He is preparing me for something bigger...which by the way is so exciting!
"...equip you with every good thing to carry out His will and strengthen you [making you complete and perfect as you ought to be], accomplishing in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever."
In am thankful for the change. I am loving being so calm...to the point that I honestly find it hard to believe that this is me. Increase from God can come in many forms and I cannot wait to see what else God has in store as he refines and prepares me for the task ahead.
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